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Thoughts from Deik and Kims Wedding, for You and Your Marriage


Deik and Kim, remember that marriage is a COVENANT relationship. It is not merely a contract of convenience, nor a promise to live together as long as each still feels good about the other. It is a COVENANT to love and care for each other until parted by death, or until the coming of our Lord.

Throughout history, covenants have been made between Nations, between Kings and their subjects, between individuals (as in marriage), and even between God and Man. When such a covenant was established, there were rights and duties on both sides, and the covenants were sealed by gifts, by a kiss, by a handshake, or by the sharing of a common meal.

Today, as DEIK and KIM make their COVENANT of marriage to each other, you will see and enjoy these elements:
they will hold each other's hands,
they will give each other their gifts of rings,
they will kiss to seal the covenant,
and they will invite you to share a meal together with them at the reception.

All because their Marriage is a covenant relationship of love and faith.

To put this in context, back in Genesis, after the Fall of Mankind, when God was declaring His judgments, and passing out the consequences for the deception and the sin, He pointed out that one of the consequences of a fallen human nature would be that husbands and wives would have conflict in their marriage relationships, as wife would seek to take over the husband's leadership position, and the husband would respond to the challenge forcefully.

God pointed out to Eve, with Adam right there listening, that, "Your desire will be for your husband, but he will rule over you."

Now our first thought might be that God is telling Eve that she will have a pure love and desire for her husband, but that he will be some cave man and just want to be the boss, ruling over his wife. But that is not the sense of what God is saying. God uses the exact same phrase, the same words, when he is speaking to Cain in Genesis Chapter Four and warns him that, "Sin is crouching at your door, and seeks to devour you, but you must master it."

What God is saying to Eve is that she will seek to conquer her husband, but that he will respond by mastering, or ruling over her. As a consequence for their sin, they will not have the loving marriage relationship that God had originally intended for them to enjoy.

Now, fast forward several thousand years, and God gives us the remedy for this problem in marriage. In Ephesians chapters Four and Five, St. Paul gives us great instruction on how we should live in society as Christians, what our attitudes and behaviors should be, how we should treat each other.

He begins this section with these words, "I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling that you have received. Be 100% humble, and gentle. Be patient with each other and make allowances for each other's faults because of your love. Always keep yourselves united in the Holy Spirit, and bind yourselves together with peace."

He continues with other powerful, life-changing instructions. And then comes to the place of addressing this specific problem with marriages that we just talked about. God's remedy for the problem caused by Eve's self-centeredness, that the wife would "desire to conquer" her husband, is this?

Paul writes?

"Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

"Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything."

Submission is God's remedy for a heart that seeks to be in charge and be in control.

Then, Paul addresses the husband's response of wanting to forcefully rule over his wife. God's remedy for this is?

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and willingly suffered and died for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.

His summary is?

"? each one of you husbands must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Paul is telling husbands that they are not to rule over their wives, but rather that a husband is to love his bride in the same way that Christ loves His Bride, the Church. And that each husband is to be preparing his bride for eternity in Heaven.

So Kim, I challenge you to not allow your "inner Eve" to try to conquer Deik, but instead willingly submit to him, in the same way that Christ submitted to the Father, and work with him as the partner and lover that God always intended a bride to be for her husband.

And Deik, I challenge you to love Kim with the same intensity of self-sacrificing love that Christ has for his bride, the Church - never seeking to dominate her, but rather always working to prepare Kim for eternity.

And I challenge you both as a couple, to use your marriage to bless others, and to proclaim to others that "God is Love."

Douglas Cowan, Psy.D., is a family therapist who has been working with ADHD children and their families since 1986. He is the clinical director of the ADHD Information Library's family of seven web sites, including http://www.newideas.net, helping over 350,000 parents and teachers learn more about ADHD each year. Dr. Cowan also serves on the Medical Advisory Board of VAXA International of Tampa, FL., is President of the Board of Directors for KAXL 88.3 FM in central California, and is President of NewIdeas.net Incorporated.

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